This is a true slab of Hollywood cheese, in epic proportions. Highly enjoyable, as long as you know what you’re getting yourself into. Hackneyed, clichéd, surprisingly aimless with little sense of real dramatic build-up – all of which adds up to a fairly enjoyable ball of corn.

First, the characters: cartoonish, clichéd send-ups of the usual adventure story tropes. The rugged, George Hamilton-orange, disillusioned Quatermain, who of course still has a heart of gold. The naïve, proud, fair damsel-in-a-foreign-land, Mrs. Curtis (think A Passage to India’s Anna Quested, with none of the moral confusion). The simple, often silly, but still good hearted native assistant. The Captain Kurtz crazy-man encountered deep within the Heart of Darkness.